Hannah Arendt wrote, “Loving life is easy when you are abroad. Where no one knows you and you hold your life in your hands all alone, you are more master of yourself than at any other time.” I’m finding this to be true in ways I never would have expected, but I don’t believe we need radical departures to achieve something of this state of mind.
In her novel, Go Went Gone, Jenny Erpenbeck writes that Richard, newly released from an academic career, “. . . has time – plain and simple. Time to travel, people say. To read books. Time to listen to music. He doesn’t know how long it will take for him to get used to having time.” He’s uncomfortable. All those open days. But in those open hours he finds a self that has been waiting. Richard is more complex, more generous, and far more human and connected than he dreamed.
But waiting until retirement for life to feel true is as terrible as waiting for opportunities to be overseas. Yes, both gave me permission to allow all that was extraneous and distracting to fall away. What I didn’t know is that I didn’t need permission.
Gordon Mennega recently recounted the experience of a colleague who has found a way to balance professional duties with much more contemplative time. The result, in Gordon’s words, is that thinking feels almost new.
The thinking feels almost new. That’s exactly it. Grounded but fresh.
I’ve discovered that my work has been keeping secrets from me. Suddenly I see this novel draft clearly and what all those unfinished short stories are asking to become. If I’d fully understood the true cost of distraction and bedevilment prior to the major life changes I undertook last year, I like to think I would have taken advantage sooner.
But I celebrate. Loving life fully instead of only bits and pieces is better late than never.
This is so true! I’ve been having similar thoughts myself, although they are not new for me! Time….such a precious commodity. Recently, I got to feel what it felt like to have spaces in my time…and I want more! I am working toward that now…..time to discover what else is in me. Time to not think. Time to not do. Time to savor and be available for surprises!
Thanks so much for this, Fran. It’s easy, I think, to get into that very American mode wherein if one is not visibly busy, one isn’t productive, or useful, or making the best use of one’s time. We might know this isn’t true, but the pressures of colleagues and communities can make it difficult to live differently.
Thank you ,E.V. Legters , for such a wonderful essay ! Every woman ,esp. those in the States ,should read it . What a warm invitation to explore who we are on our own terms , how we use our time , and facing the reality that now is the time to act . Very powerful concept of looking back , coming to terms with the hows and whys we got to where we are presently , seeing how our stances could have flourished , and then acting on it in the NOW. Please keep writing about this world that you are embracing , the inspiration that you spark in readers will not be wasted .
Thank you for your very kind words, Sara. I agree: discovery plus action, NOW!
I whole heartedly agree
Part Two: For the last few months, after the death of my mother, and after my son recovered from a long illness, I did what most people would call nothing. People kept asking me, what are you doing? But I didn’t know what to answer because I wasn’t writing or working in the studio. Then it dawned on me – after being in crisis-mode for so long, I was just luxuriating in the novel feeling of being happy, or, in America-speak, working on being happy. Then, when I became restless, that’s when I knew it was time to get back to work. It seems that we all need to come up for breath in various ways for various reasons. Then there are times when we have to, or need, to dive back into the thick of it. The wisdom comes from recognizing which is which. So glad that you are finding in Portugal the liberation and freedom you have so yearned for; you KNEW you needed it, it just was out of reach.
Wise words. Situations can certainly put things out of reach. The hope, then, is that when a way is clear or at least clearer, we see it and take hold.
I love the sentiments and the inspiration that fuels them.