It’s our addiction. No, not Portuguese wine or port or fancy liquors. Hand sanitizer. Over the past year, I have become a connoisseur. Ask me anything. I can tell you where to find any kind you long for. I can explain the pros and cons of the sticky gels, the watery concoctions, the lavender-scented, ammonia-scented, scented-to-hide-the-scent scented. Even when we’re not looking, it’s looking at us via spritz bottles, spray bottles, and foot-pedalled dispensers. Store employees, when stores are open, greet you as greeters used to with perfume samples at Bonwit’s and Macy’s. Going in, they beg, desinfeta, por favor. Coming out, they beg, desinfeta, por favor. Dose after dose after dose. And then there are the containers we carry in our backpacks and pockets. Long after the pandemic is over, I will look for the free bottles of alcohol that now reside in the doorways of stores and restaurants and even buses, while patting my pockets for my own supply. I’ll never be free from the warm, cool, sticky, thick, watery, sweet, medicinal, disgusting stuff. Will you?
Likewise, masks. Now that we know more than we ever knew there was to know about the aerosolization of speech, spit, and snot, and know in visual, computerized detail, exactly how far the droplets of our shouts and whispers and songs travel under what circumstances – light wind, no wind, hurricanes, air conditioning – who among us will breathe in unmasked air? Vaccines are wonderful, but how about a liquid of another sort, a tinted chemical we can spritz into our personal space to judge the quality and quantity of the viral loads that surround us? Who’s working on that? There should be a prize.
Count me among the new breed of agoraphobics. Touch a menu? Touch coins? Borrow a pen? Join a crowd on an elevator? Not a chance. How are you?
I’ve always been creeped-out by shared surfaces – banisters and door handles – and appreciate my gloves in winter. But I’m not a fan of the gunk – prefer the stuff that the local craft distilleries came up with around here – less glop and in a pinch, maybe even swig-able.
Haven’t really mastered mask wearing for hours at a time – fog problems. So mostly I stay home and think about other places.
So no anti-mask madness there?
There has been some anti-mask wearing pushback here, but not the all out political outrage you’ve experienced there. As far as staying in, me, too. As far as thinking and dreaming of other places, me, too.
Your title had me worried for a minute, but then had me laughing out loud. Your words painted the bizarre new normal so perfectly. What a fascinating time we are living in … and how nice it will be to gradually release some of that fascination. Hopefully soon.
I knew you would worry! I expected a frantic email! Glad that instead I was able to make you smile.
You *do* know how to grab attention with the art and skill of effective titles! Prior to the pandemic, I’d never been one to worry about using handles to open bathroom doors after watching my hands. Now I hang on to my paper towel and use it to open the door. Interestingly, I’m not using hand sanitizer much; I simply wash my hands a lot, and then use a lot of lotion. Masks, though. Do you remember when we used to blow out candles on a birthday cake? Kind of disgusting to think about it now, yes? I’m thinking masks will stay with us for quite awhile, and I welcome the thought of how they will help to reduce not only the number of COVID infections, but also the number of people who get colds and flu!
I am gagging over the amount of birthday cake frosting saliva we have ingested! Ignorance was bliss??
…..also…nice to see a return to this blog!
You expressed the humor and pathos of our times so well. For some reason, I kept seeing Charlie Chaplin using hand sanitizer in one of his routines…
Now that you mention it, so can I . . .
In a few short paragraphs, you sublimely captured the tenor of the day. How did our lives come to revolve around those dispensers of sanitizer. This made me laugh out loud and yet, we truly have become a civilization of agoraphobics. This is a wonderful, inciteful, and humorous take on life as it has become. I too wonder whether I will ever feel comfortable going out into the world unshielded again.
Life as we used to know it will be forever changed. The big question is how will it be going forward once we feel “safe” enough to gather in groups again.
As uncomfortable as mask wearing can be, it will be nice not to have so many colds or flu spreading among us.
Scented hand sanitizers may just become the new perfume for the 20’s.
I KNOW returning to what we know as “normal” is going to be tough. I visualize how we use to gather (parties, packed bars, stadiums, etc)…someone sneezes into their hands (not their sleeve), turns around and shakes hands with a new acquaintance, grabs two (not one) cream puffs, hands one to a friend who takes a bite and smushes the rest in their boyfriends mouth who laughs out loud spraying said cream puff (along with God only knows what) on at least three people who manage to find a bathroom (not the cleanest in the world) to wash off the mess and use the toilet while they’re in there (finding no seat covers) and return to the hoard without washing their hands and so it goes and goes (and goes)! Now what do we do???? (I’m smiling…but I’m not…!)
Well-put!! Thanks for joining in!